Marriage can have its ups and downs for everyone. But, for some, those downs are more common and can lead to divorce. While everyone has different battles, there are common problems in marriage that can signal that divorce may be the right move for everyone involved.
We’re going to take a closer look at what these marital problems are so that you can decide if they relate to your marriage.
Most Common Reasons for Divorce
1. You are not happy.
Marriages are not perfect, and you can’t be happy all the time. But you should be happy more than you’re unhappy. If every discussion turns into an argument, that’s probably a good sign that you may be headed for divorce.
2. Most of your interactions are not positive
When you’re married, most of your interactions should be positive. If you begin to notice that they’re more on the negative side, it’s time to reevaluate your relationship. Everyone has bad habits. In fact, thinking that a person has no bad habits sets an unrealistic expectation. However, when couples experience each other’s bad habits they should want to work on improving them. This is another reason why communication is so important. Negativity breeds more negativity. You want to keep things as positive as possible.
3. You find reasons to avoid your partner.
Married couples should want to spend time together, not avoid one another. Many happy couples often comment that they can’t spend enough time together because of life’s hustle and bustle. Unhappy couples are just the opposite. They look for reasons to avoid each other. Busy schedules become an excuse. These include purposely going out when you know your spouse is going to be home or maybe even driving around the block when you see your spouse’s car in the driveway.
4. Your friends or family urge you to end the relationship.
One of the obvious signs that you may be heading for divorce is when multiple friends and family members begin to tell you that you are in a troubled marriage and should look for a way out. They may see signs of trouble that you don’t. It’s wise to listen to them and see if they’re right.
5. Your instincts are telling you to get out.
Your instincts could be your best guide that you should get divorced. If that little voice inside of you keeps telling you that your marriage isn’t working out, you may want to listen to it. Your instincts don’t steer you wrong.
6. You live like roommates.
Another red flag that you may want to seek the help of a divorce lawyer is when you live more like roommates than a married couple. If your partner sleeps on the couch the majority of the time and you never spend real time together, it will begin to feel like your spouse is your roommate. A lot of this may be due to a communication gap. Married life can start to feel monotonous at times. This is why communication is so important. Poor communication can lead to unnecessary misunderstandings. Marriage therapists may be able to get you back on track to a healthy relationship.
7. Everything is hard.
While it takes effort to make a marriage work, everything shouldn’t feel like a challenge. If you begin to feel like everything is hard, a divorce could be in your future. No one wants the stress of feeling like they have to struggle every moment of their marriage.
8. One or both have changed values or priorities.
It’s common for people to change over time, and for their life goals and values to even change. But, if one partner has done a complete 180 when it comes to these things and the other partner isn’t on board, it can be difficult to get on the same page. Your values are your values and it’s hard to change these just because your partner has decided to.
9. There is a sudden behavior change.
If your partner was never one to go out and all of the sudden is out five nights a week, there could be something else going on. The same can be true if they start going to places, they never went to or start doing things that are out of character. These could be signs of infidelity or something going on that you need to look into.
10. There are money problems.
Money can be one of the biggest things that couples fight about. If one person is a spender and the other one constantly wants to save, it can cause debt, financial problems, and marriage issues. If one spouse hides purchases, that’s another problem that can lead to divorce. While you may not completely agree when it comes to financial issues, you’ll want to be on the same page the majority of the time.
11. There is no intimacy.
Intimacy is an important part of a marriage because it’s the one thing that married couples share that they shouldn’t share with anyone else. If there is a lack of intimacy, a marriage can go south fast.
12. There are infidelity issues with one or both partners.
Infidelity can be hard to get past. For many people, this is a deal-breaker. If they have been cheated on, they will likely want to end the marriage. Some may seek the help of marriage counseling first when a spouse has been unfaithful, but others may not want to invest the time.
13. There is abuse in the relationship.
Abuse in a relationship shouldn’t be tolerated. It can lead to dangerous situations, especially if there are children in the home. Domestic violence is an unfortunate situation that many couples face. The victim should get out of the relationship for their safety. It’s important to remember that emotional abuse can be just as bad as physical abuse. Either physical or mental abuse can be devastating to a marriage.
14. You are no longer compatible.
When you got married, you and your spouse were compatible. But people’s interests change over time and their personalities can change as well. This can lead to incompatibility. When you no longer feel like you’re compatible you’re going to have trouble getting along which could mean you’re heading for divorce.
15. You no longer find your partner attractive.
While this is a superficial reason to get a divorce, some people are no longer attracted to their spouse and want to separate. Everyone’s body changes over time, and for some people, this is a reason for divorce. When one spouse is no longer attracted to another, this can lead to intimacy issues, which is also a common marriage problem that can lead to divorce. Sometimes, it is more of an issue of low self-esteem or a lack of confidence that can make that partner jealous, which puts stress on the relationship.
16. You got married too young.
When people get married too young, they may not be financially stable, which can lead to marital problems and eventually divorce. Younger people may also not be mature enough to handle a marriage. If they get married too young, they may not know how to communicate which is one of the pillars of a solid marriage.
17. You got married for the wrong reasons.
Looks, money, and status are among the wrong reasons to get married. All of these can fade or change. You should look at what’s on the inside. You may not realize you got married for the wrong reasons until you’ve been in the marriage for a few years. This is when people look back and realize they’ve made a mistake. Far too often, people with extreme differences in values look past them in the beginning, then the gap in values and beliefs becomes too much and the marriage falls apart.
18. There is no communication.
Communication is key in all relationships, but especially in a marriage. You need to be able to talk to your spouse about everything. When you can’t, you’re bound to have problems that can lead to divorce. Some people shut down and decide they don’t want to be bothered when there are problems. This is one of the worst things you can do if you want to save your marriage. Sometimes seeing a marriage counselor can help to open the lines of communication. In other cases, therapy sessions can make it clearer that divorce is imminent.
19. There is a lack of equality and identity.
Each partner should feel like they have their own identity in the marriage and should feel equal. If you’re losing your identity because your partner has a stronger personality, this can make you feel lost and can lead to divorce. If one partner tries to take over the other and be too bossy, problems of inequality can also surface.
20. There are addiction issues.
Addiction to drugs, alcohol, gambling, or sex can all lead people to think about divorce. Many times, these addictions come with risky behavior that can put a person’s spouse at risk. These are situations when you want to seriously consider divorce.
Are there “good” reasons to get a divorce?
No one gets married planning for divorce. But as we’ve discussed there are several common problems in a marriage that signal a divorce is the best move. You need to decide if the results of divorce will make for a better situation than the marriage that you’re currently in. This is something you need to decide for yourself.
When is divorce urgent?
While it can be difficult to decide what makes a good reason for divorce, there are situations when divorce is urgent. Domestic violence is a clear indicator that divorce is urgent. These situations are dangerous and can quickly escalate. There are many domestic violence hotlines and shelters that can help victims of domestic abuse.
Leaving a divorce under these circumstances can be difficult because many people fear the repercussions. This is why it’s important to seek the help of counselors who can help people get out of an abusive marriage safely.
When Is It Over?
It can be hard to decide when a marriage is over and when you should continue to try to make it work. If both sides have given up, you can pretty much figure out that your marriage is over. If one spouse doesn’t want to make the effort, it can also signal that it’s time to consider divorce. It’s impossible to work on a marriage when one person doesn’t want to.
Also, if you have been attending couples therapy and still can’t see eye to eye, your counselor may advise you that your marriage is over. You need to consider everything and listen to your inner voice to help you determine your marriage is truly over.
Be Absolutely Certain and Rethink Before Making a Final Decision
Even when you think you’ve made the right choice and have determined divorce is the best route, rethink your decision. You want to be one-hundred percent certain that there is no way to save your marriage. You don’t want to have regrets either.
Divorce has consequences in all areas of your life, especially if you have children. You want to make sure the decision you make is the best for you and your situation. Divorce is a big step and one that shouldn’t be taken lightly. If you share many of the common problems in marriage that we mentioned, it may be time to take a closer look at divorce.